ineke.co.uk

'Flower… What flower?' pic.twitter.com/81psGI9jpS

— Treasure Tails (@TailsTreasure) July 7, 2018

Tweets during game put together. pic.twitter.com/cTkOzTJSED

— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) July 7, 2018

I’m going to have a chat with my children to explain to them that this just isn’t normal. After the easiest of strolls… England are in the last 4 of the #WorldCup … the actual World Cup! 👏🏻🏆⚽️

— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) July 7, 2018

Six things to remember about medicine;

1. Vaccines dont cause autism.
2. Vitamin pills are usually just end up as expensive urine.
3. Antibiotics don't work on colds.
4. CPR doesn't work like on TV.
5. Homeopathy is not medicine.
6. Treatment may take time to work.

— Dr Janaway (@drjanaway) July 6, 2018

“It’s coming home” is the exact phrase my mum used to use, as she looked out of the window & saw my dad stumbling from the pub. True.

— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) July 7, 2018

England’s first World Cup semi final since 2015 😉
🦁🦁🦁

— Lucy Ward (@lucyjward_) July 7, 2018

“Can you ask the neighbours to put the bins out on Monday? We’re not going home just yet” 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 pic.twitter.com/s1g3P3jj34

— Harry Maguire (@HarryMaguire93) July 8, 2018

Tbf to David Davis, we've all considered resigning at 11.30pm on a Sunday night

— Emma Kelly (@TooManyEmmas) July 8, 2018

The year is 2371. The temperature in London still hasn’t dropped below 28c and, somehow, the 2018 World Cup is still going on and football is coming home. (PS They haven’t agreed a Brexit deal either).

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) July 8, 2018

Boris Johnson: a handy guide to what is and what isn’t a resignation issue. pic.twitter.com/JqSPJwScoX

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 9, 2018

“They were making jokes about our furniture at the weekend, and now their whole cabinet has totally collapsed.” pic.twitter.com/2ivJqEew6n

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) July 9, 2018

who else grabs their phone first thing in the morning and gets on social media reading it like it’s the morning paper??

like if yes
retweet if no

proving a point

— sav❥ (@savanah_crane) July 8, 2018

Don't worry everyone, Donald Trump arrives in three days to calm everything down.

— Jamie Ross (@JamieRoss7) July 9, 2018

One good thing about Jeremy Hunt taking over at the Foreign Office: at least we won't have a buffoon as Foreign Secretary. pic.twitter.com/6NDe2VlKLJ

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 9, 2018

Fun work game to brighten your day! It’s called GOVERNMENT. Basically you get everyone at your job to change roles for no reason. Andy from accounts? Now he’s HR. Maggie from marketing? CEO. Grant from legal? Janitor.

— Dave (@davechannel) July 10, 2018

When King George VI and Queen Elizabeth (later known as the Queen Mother) visited America in 1939, they ate hotdogs for the first time. Even though Franklin D. Roosevelt showed her how to eat it, Elizabeth opted to eat hers with a knife and fork.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 10, 2018

In 1959, to celebrate the opening of Ottowa Airport’s newly built terminal, a supersonic jet did a flyby. The sonic boom shattered all the windows and the whole of the North wall fell down. It had to be rebuilt at a cost of $300,000 and couldn’t be used for nearly a year.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 10, 2018

There was a man vaping so hard in the shop doorway just now that when I walked in I found myself saying 'Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to buy a pint of milk!'.

— cluedont (@cluedont) July 10, 2018

Flat pack your bags, Sweden. You’re going home. #ENGSWE

— King Charles III (parody) (@Charles_HRH) July 7, 2018

Everyone in England right now. https://t.co/rnHqSBycs5

— Jonathan Harding (@JonBloggs66) July 7, 2018

If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters both the same… #Southgate #eng pic.twitter.com/KbyAzrKobX

— Alistair Griffin (@AlistairGriffin) July 4, 2018

Gareth Southgate, the man who missed in 96, leading the England team that just won its first-ever World Cup shootout. I know it's obvious, but it still feels rather poetic.

— Nicky Bandini (@NickyBandini) July 3, 2018

GARETH SOUTHGATE FC pic.twitter.com/vA7YESVVni

— ManUtdMindset (@ManUtdMindset) July 3, 2018

The @England manager Gareth Southgate has come back out to thank the fans… @5liveSport #BBCWorldCup pic.twitter.com/2GNACwrM8S

— Gary Flintoff (@GaryFlintoff) July 3, 2018

saw £20 lying on the floor beside my foot in edinbrugh, picked it up and gave it to a guy holding a charity box….walked away all chuffed with myself only now to realise it was mine and it had fallen out my pocket 🙂🙂🙂hate maself now

— 𝒜𝓁𝒾𝓍 . 𝒞𝑜𝓌𝒶𝓃 🌹 (@alixcowan) June 25, 2018

Its's the year 2022. England have just won their 2nd World Cup under Sir Gareth Southgate. Harry Kane has scored his 100th world cup goal and 3 lions has been number 1 in the charts for 4 years

— Adam Taylor (@AdamTaylor_AT) July 3, 2018

As police investigate whether a British woman was killed by a Russian nerve agent, as English footballers play in Moscow, as British forces do their jobs in foreign conflicts, as Brexit hangs in the balance, as Trump arrives in London…..Boris Johnson quits.

— Krishnan Guru-Murthy (@krishgm) July 9, 2018

Boris Johnson is the latest to hand in a transfer request as his team hurtle towards inevitable relegation.

— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) July 9, 2018

not to go all righteous but it is an *outrage* that Boris Johnson was allowed to resign of his own accord and wasn't sacked months ago

— Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) July 9, 2018

Here's the Love Actually / #ItsComingHome meme you didn't know you needed in your life #ENG #WorldCup Starring @HackedOffHugh with a little @jowhiley cameo pic.twitter.com/pNz37tXkyx

— James Dixon – author 'World in Union' & 'The Fix' (@JamesDixonBooks) July 5, 2018

Every conversation this afternoon:
"How's your day going?" "Football"

"Brightening up now isn't it?" "Football"

"Watching the match tonight?" "THREE LIONS ON THE SHIRT"#ENGCRO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 11, 2018

SUMMARY OF THE FIRST HALF
Min 1: I am more nervous than a pumpkin in October
Min 5: YESYESYESYESYES
Min 6: Shall I get a tattoo of Kieran Trippier on my chest or on my face?
Min 7 – 43: This is fine
Min 44: GET RID OF IT
Min 45: Phew#ENGCRO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 11, 2018

SUMMARY OF THE SECOND HALF:
Mins 45-67: This is fine
68: NONONONONONONONONO
69: Come on everyone, we can do this
72: EEP
73: ARGH
74: Ooer
80: DON’T PASS IT THERE
82: Oh heavens
90+1: HARRY. Not quite.
90+3: Extra time. LET’S DO THIS.#ENGCRO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 11, 2018

SUMMARY OF EXTRA TIME FIRST HALF
1: Here we go again
7: Welcome to the game Eric “Cucumber Cool Penalty Taker” Dier
8: YES. Oh drat. Cleared off the line.
11: How is that a foul
15: UH OH
15+1: It’s fine
15+2: JORDAN PICKFORD YOU ARE A MAJESTIC LION OF A HUMAN#ENGCRO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 11, 2018

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" – everyone #ENGCRO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 11, 2018

Big shout out to the 3 people currently watching Dave right now… wait… ok it’s just a TV that’s been left on in an empty house in Leeds as you were. #ENGCRO

— Dave (@davechannel) July 11, 2018

On the upside, Gareth Southgate is now free to be Prime Minister #ENGCRO

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) July 11, 2018

Oh, England, you great, unfinished symphony. We are so proud of you. Qatar 2022, it’s coming home. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

— 🇺🇦Matthew Lewis🇺🇦 (@Mattdavelewis) July 11, 2018

Sad. Proud. Annoyed. Relieved. Disappointed. Unsurprised. Impressed. Vexed. Gutted. Elated. Deflated. Despondent. Encouraged. Defeated. Defiant. Broken. Resilient. Inspired. Silly. All those things #ENGvCRO 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 🇭🇷

— Stephen Fry (@stephenfry) July 11, 2018

Come on Theresa, the whole nation is sad, you know what to do. Today would be a very good day to announce we’re pulling out of Brexit.

— Martin Saunders (@martinsaunders) July 12, 2018

I think Germany should have to play Poland tomorrow, in a 25th and 26th place play-off.

— Mark Steel (@mrmarksteel) July 12, 2018

I think a photo has just changed my mind on marriage. pic.twitter.com/d4HoCRuRIJ

— Susanna Reid (@susannareid100) July 12, 2018

England are out of the World Cup, the sun has disappeared, and Donald Trump arrives today. Worst. Thursday. Ever. #TrumpUKVisit

— King Charles III (parody) (@Charles_HRH) July 12, 2018

Suggested press conference words “He and I do disagree on some things: his tearing of babies from their parents, his racist attacks on the London mayor, his lies, his admiration for dictators, and I tend to think his combover is an absurdity.”

— Ed Miliband (@Ed_Miliband) July 12, 2018

Queen Elizabeth greets President Trump. Her outfit is a shade known as “Democrat blue” #TrumpUKvisit pic.twitter.com/0eNNJwCrMy

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) July 13, 2018

Fans express disappointment at ABBA reunion: pic.twitter.com/fKp4oJOHB3

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) July 13, 2018

This interview is one of the most remarkable in the history of modern politics. Mr Trump also says he has better poll numbers than Abraham Lincoln, who died before the invention of the telephone pic.twitter.com/DavkMRi4ub

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) July 13, 2018

Word of the day: MOONBOW – a rainbow created by moonlight.
(Image: Arne-kaiser) pic.twitter.com/kChobsahvo

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 12, 2018

Yes, no one has mentioned “England” this week. https://t.co/nbOv1zhIko

— Grant Tucker (@GrantTucker) July 13, 2018

Like a solar eclipse, the Queen was totally obscured by a massive lump with no sign of intelligent life pic.twitter.com/iRzCOhasDV

— The Poke (@ThePoke) July 13, 2018

I believe if you tune your radio to @BBCR1 now, you'll hear that the official charts recording that a football song has become the only song with the same artist line-up to have gone to No. 1 on 4 separate occasions.

— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) July 13, 2018

In film credits, if two writers worked together on a script they are credited as 'X & Y', if two writers worked separately on a script they are credited as 'X and Y'.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 13, 2018

It's just a jump to the left.. pic.twitter.com/XOYslkkDAx

— Sue Perkins 💙 (@sueperkins) July 13, 2018

My favourite so far… #TrumpProtest pic.twitter.com/qBINZYmEm3

— Emily Nash (@emynash) July 13, 2018

"On a Mobius Trip, your holiday never ends" pic.twitter.com/Prd1ag1iiP

— Dave Gorman (@DaveGorman) July 11, 2018

Liam Fox once put 3p worth of petrol on his parliamentary expenses after driving 100m. https://t.co/ut8k81T090

— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) July 14, 2018

*wanders into the competition tent at village summer fete*
“What’s this prize category?”
“British landmarks made from fruit and vegetables” pic.twitter.com/r3dLaJKT6C

— Helen Macdonald (@HelenJMacdonald) July 7, 2018

why why WHY why always with the holding hands pic.twitter.com/mByc4GMINc

— Matthew Champion (@matthewchampion) July 13, 2018

Would you prefer that England had won the World Cup, or PM, mid press conference had turned and told Trump ‘I hate you’?

— The Frank Skinner Show (@FrankOnTheRadio) July 14, 2018